My biggest fear is losing my husband.

There, I said it. I’m afraid he is going to leave me, whether it be because of an addiction, or another woman, or even cancer.

I hadn’t spoken this fear aloud because I don’t want to think about it. And when I do, I end up down a rabbit hole. And none of that is from the Lord. It also makes me feel like a wife who is constantly seeking Derick’s approval because a long-lasting, healthy marriage is so important to me.

This all comes from past relationships. I was involved with men who had severe, scary obsessions, or I was cheated on and taken advantage of.

Then I finally found this man who I love for everything he is and I don’t place my identity in him at all – I can honestly say that I love Jesus more. But that fear of losing him is still real.

Recently, Derick and I went to a marriage counseling event and we were asked to bring up our innermost concerns with each other. Most people only get to the surface-level thoughts and feelings – they forget there are deep insecurities driving how they handle everything in a relationship. This is where disconnection begins.

When I shared these thoughts I had about losing him, Derick said, “Tanner, that is so crazy to me. You don’t understand the kind of love I have for you.” Derick is the problem-solver type, rather than feely like me, so he didn’t realize that sometimes I need to hear this from him more – but I hadn’t told him that’s what I needed.

If we want a deeper connection, we have to step into the discomfort of being real with our spouse or partner and give them the chance to love us how we need to be loved. .
If we want to be rid of our fears and insecurities, we have to bring them into the light.

Let’s be women who are brave in our relationships. There is power in expressing your fears and desires – have you been sharing yours?

PS: Have you heard about my Freedom Method Mentorship coming in 2020?! I have been working on this for over a year! The waitlist is open, click here to jump on it. Spots are going to be limited!

PSS: Last week I released episode 70 of the Chasing Freedom Show podcast: 
Salty and Hungry with Krista Hengesh.  Check it out on Spotify, iTunes, or SoundCloud!


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